Everyone seems to be in search of their Truth these days. More and more, I’ve casually stumbled across social posts of people’s curiosity with subjects such as mindfulness, spirituality, metaphysics, etc. I guess the reason these posts caught my attention was due to my own current journey of self.
This pandemic has challenged us all in many ways. We’ve all had a mirror placed in front of us with nowhere to run and hide. Scary as it seems, I wholeheartedly believe it’s the one true silver-lining of this global pause.
We’re all being forced to ask the real questions.
The hard questions. The dark questions. Questions we’ve been avoiding for months, maybe even years.
The complexity of this season in humanity’s history is profound. It feels as if an invitation to shift the future’s direction has been sent out; an invitation to become a part of this change of course. And whether we individually accept this invitation or not, shit is about to get real, no matter what we choose.
Ready or not, change is being forced upon us. It already has. But I also believe this time of crisis is a gift.
Yes, it’s been hard. It’s been terrifying. It’s been sorrowful. It’s been enraging. It’s been depressing.
But, there is no light without the dark.
So, the mirror beckons, “Who are we, really?”
Who do we want to be?
What would give us peace?
What would make us happy?
Were we happy before?
What do we want?
What do You want?
Photo by john vicente on Unsplash
I’ve side-eyed that mirror these last six months and have asked myself these questions. This global pause is sifting the world of so much right now and in the midst of this great sifting, we’ve been given Time.
Time to stop and look around. Time to take a look at what we’ve been doing with our lives. Time to see who we’ve become and ask ourselves if we’re happy with who that has been.
Time.
We’ve been given time to change.
Change everything.
How crazy is that, when you think about it?
These last few days, I’ve caught myself avoiding Hope.
I lived a large portion of my life being told what I “should” believe, feel, and think. I stood strong in my own right–to a certain degree–but still under the shadow of a rigid system that at it’s core, didn’t care about our well-being. They convinced us that they cared so we didn’t question it. At first. My mental health struggles date as far back as pre-teen years and yet, they taught me to ignore them, just think them away. They engrained guilt and shame for the makeup of my biological imbalances, convincing me they were not medical issues but character flaws. So, I continuously carried the heavyweight of the shame and guilt over my inability to be “better”. Suffice to say, that was not aiding in my mental health throughout the years.
I spent the beginnings of my adulthood metaphorically on a large ship with long, dark hallways, sailing through choppy waters and terror-inducing storms. That’s who I was on the inside. Outwardly, I was the picture of steady strength cloaked in joy and ambition.
Both, equally true. Both, a part of who I’ve been.
Because of this history, ironically, the 2020 mirror set before me has actually been an answered cry. The findings have been encouraging me to know who I am and to live that reality unapologetically. I’ve continuously been challenged to toss out societal expectations and for once, not care if the world approves.
Photo by Jonatan Pie on Unsplash
The juxtaposition of this time in my life has been wild. And because of my history, I’m assuming that is why the fear to Hope has been creeping in lately.
Recently, I have found certain outlets for direction and Hope and they’ve been a huge necessity and blessing for my heart and mind. Deep down, I know that good things are coming my way. And yet, I’ve caught myself avoiding said outlets that promise goodness because a part of me has been scared to Hope.
I mean, looking around at our world today, the realities we’re waking up to daily are stressful and terrifying. Surface-wise, of course, one’s Hope would teeter-totter.
Mental Health issues are climbing at rapid speeds just in the last six months. Many who never identified as someone who struggled with their Mental Health are suddenly finding themselves trying to understand how to navigate through it.
And this is why I believe more than ever, this moment in time is an invitation.
God, Universe, Spirit, Source–whatever you believe in–is presenting us with a choice within the midst of chaos:
We’re being given an opportunity to get grounded as the earth violently shakes.
The world is going to unfold in ways we can’t even begin to imagine. Later on, it’s going to be much more difficult to dive deep and get tethered.
Now, within this global pause, I’m daring myself to Hope. I’m asking myself the hard questions. I’m demanding answers of myself:
“What do I want? Who do I want to be?”
Today, I’ll face the positive outlets that paint pictures of a future to look forward to.
And I’ll whisper to myself, Don’t be scared to Hope.
When I can’t sleep and my mind is racing and I’m battling to align with a schedule the world approves as, healthy living, I’ll pause and continue to tell myself, “Don’t be scared to Hope.”
Comments